a blog about stuff. random stuff. rad stuff. stuff i like. art stuff. music stuff. stuff i'm involved in. good stuff.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

feel it all

manhattan, 2008



-----crazy fact of the day: well shit, i just found out that sperm banks run sales. like legit, 20% of your purchase, super saver sales. hahahaha. woooow. hahaha. i never thought of it that way, having never been in need of the services of a sperm bank, but i guess it makes sense, it technically is a "product" to be bought and sold. naturally the "product" would need to be moved quickly to consumers. haha. but really, ewwwwwww!!!!! hahahaha
-----skeletor is love OMFG YESSSSSS hahahahahaha skeletor is experiencing the profound emptiness and isolation of human existence. follow his journey to positive mental health through daily affirmations. hahahahahahaha. looooove this shit!
-----apparently i am way behind the rest of humanity in terms of pop culture awareness cuz i just recently discovered a little tv show called grey's anatomy. haha. i mean, yeah i had heard of it, but i never watched it. one day i was bored and was looking around on netflix for something to watch and i said what the hell, i'll watch this. there should have been an addiction warning on it cuz i got like super hooked on that shit. hahaha. i like it cuz its funny and witty and dramatic and i get all nerdy over the medical stuff and look it up online so i can feel smart. hahaha. and of course you know who my fav characters are, callie and arizona, duh! i have a million and a half opinions on those two well....mostly on arizona being a dumb selfish bitch to callie like ALL THE TIME, especially during season nine cuz like she took it way over the top and treated callie like complete shit, then was a cheater on top of it all! ugh! effff her! hahaha. but yeah, i'm all into season ten like a dork and have found a buddy to watch it with on thursday nights. help me! hahaha.
----- on a slightly related note, my cousin eric is a 6th year neuro surgery resident. when i see him at thanksgiving, i'm gonna have lots of questions! haha
----- i just bought an electric can opener. just because. well...more cuz i am incapable of using a right handed can opener. i can never get it and i tried flipping my crappy "regular" one backwards to use with my left hand and that didn't work either. i had a lefty one years back that got lost somewhere along the way of my life and was gonna order a new one online but it ended up being cheaper to just buy an electric one at target so whatevs, electric it is! and let me tell you, when i opened that first can up it was pure magic, MAGIC I TELL YOU! [that could quite possibly be theeee MOST interesting thing i have ever blogged about. EVER. hahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!]
----- i was pleased to discover that the word inchoate is in my phone's lexicon. i get told i use "big" words a lot but i really don't think i do. maybe people just need to try cracking a dictionary once in a while. anyway this is one of my faves and if you don't know, it means "being only partly in existence or operation; imperfectly formed or formulated" which is kind of a cool concept.
-----ih8uclothing they make some pretty rad tshirts which all seem to be limited edition. i need to get some bills up cuz there's a few tees on there i'd like to nab for myself.



back a few months ago, right after he passed away, i wrote a bit about cory monteith. not because i'm all about celebrities or anything, but because i found his death to be very, very troubling and it really upset me. he died in the same way that my beloved shellie did, heroin and alcohol overdose, and hearing of his passing alone in a hotel room hit a nerve in me, hard. two talented souls, young and full of creativity and life, ripped from this plain of existence by a powerful and cunning evil that they thought they could manage but was more than they could ever pray to cope with.

those of us left in the aftermath, the ones of us cutoff from them seemingly forever, we had to try to make sense of it all. we, the ones who stayed behind, had to go on, somehow, someway. everyone deals in different ways. me, i threw myself into working crazy hours at my job and constantly painting and making collages. the cast and writers of glee also had to find a way to make sense of things too, in both the passing of the man himself and of the character he played. it was obvious that they would make a tribute episode and when it was announced, i wondered what it was that they were going to do and if they were going to tackle the really tough circumstances surrounding his death.

upon watching the episode, i did have great respect for the fact that it must have been incredibly difficult for the cast and crew to make it happen, ESPECIALLY lea michele. i can't even imagine what it must have been like to stand in front of the camera to do her scenes. i myself had a hard time watching, and cried through most of it. it was tough. really tough. a lot of memories and emotions came back to the surface and felt more potent than they had in a long time. but at the end of it, i was struck most with the fact that this show had missed such a truly massive and critical opportunity to make sure that mr. monteith (and his character) didn't die in vain and wasn't like every other "junky celebrity" who spins out of control and winds up dead on the floor somewhere. while there were some very powerful and moving scenes, particularly the final scene with matthew morrison's character finally letting down his emotional wall and weeping openly for the death of his student and friend, this episode was washed and sanitized from start to finish.

as a show glee is supposed to be fun to watch and make us feel good, but there have been some not so feel good moments/issues that they have tackled over the course of its run- teen suicide, homophobia, and school shootings to name a few. they have also been excellent at featuring many different types of characters, including more than one major LGBT character and the ever witty and totally awesome recurring cheerleader with down's syndrome, becky jackson, among others. with that track history, i was hoping that they were going to do something to address the horrors of addiction and substance abuse to help educate teens and let them know that there is nothing glamorous about it. afterall, CM began abusing drugs and alcohol as a teen and the addiction stalked him throughout his youth and into his adult life.

that isn't what happened though. the writing and production staff had a huge opportunity to do something good but instead all they gave us was a sing along, albeit a very sad and well performed one, but still a sing along none-the-less. and the story arcing us through the episode was soft even by regular standards where the actor hasn't also died along with the character. they didn't even say how finn hudson did die just that he was dead and had passed three weeks prior to the episode taking place. they gave us nothing to go on and no context in which to place anything.

i can empathize very much with the fact that it was REALLY hard for them to do this episode at all and that substance abuse is still really touchy for a lot of people, but for them to just cop out like this and give a bleached version of reality is such a shame. just think, a major tv show with a large youth audience dealing with the overdose and death of a nineteen year old character, there could have been strides forward in dealing with this and recognizing that this issue is real. it is real and it WILL follow you until it destroys your life and/or kills you unless you really confront it head on. and part of confronting it head on is talking about it in the first place. that is the only way taboos get broken down and kids, parents, and educators will be ready to deal with these issues going forward.

i know that the episode was designed to bring closure to fans and the creatives behind the show and i'm sure it did that for many people. they didn't completely dodge the bullet, there was a short PSA filmed with three of the stars from the show that aired after the episode, but i just can't shake my overall disappointment. all i can do is hope that somehow, someway there were people out there who learned of his death and thought to themselves "shit, if it can kill someone like him, it can kill me too and i need to get some help" i very much would like to hope that.

[as i mentioned in my previous post, seriously, if you are dealing with this shit or know someone who is you DON'T have to go it alone. talk to someone you know and trust or you can find resources online. samhsa is a great website with links and phone numbers to treatment programs including an opioid dependence program, as well as info for veterans, disaster relief, mental health services, a suicide hotline and more. there is a light at the end of the tunnel]



explosions in the sky- day six [since the tone of the above piece was a bit of a memorial in a way, i thought i would post this. shellie and i both had a love of instrumental music and she loved EITS; i took her to see them for her 28th and final birthday in 2008. after she passed, i listened to them A LOT. this song, not one of their more well known ones, had always been my favorite for kind of not really being like a lot of the rest of their material. it was quieter, more mindful in a way, and came from their release the rescue which itself has an interesting story. whenever i hear this song, i imagine finely dressed ballroom dancers, gliding along in brilliance with each other, no cares at all in the world, as if life would or could ever be that beautiful. i like to think of her looking down on that and being happy, free from being haunted by the demons that gave her no peace in life. and even though i long ago came to find my own peace in her death and have gone forward with my life, i regret it every day that i couldn't rescue her]
memorial [this from the earth is not a cold dead place. this was the first EITS material i heard when i discovered them in the bitter winter of 2006. it moved me so much then, it is such a magnificent body of work. now it has become harder for me to listen to so i only bring it out every so often. this was the song they opened up that show with in 2008 and i remember just being hit with the shear force of their massive sound. it is something i will never forget]
fin. xo -hoos